New Job, etc

Well, I started my new job this week. Not the most exciting but SO easy (thank goodness).

I got the call last Wednesday that I would be starting the following Monday. Before I even hung up the phone there were tears forming in my eyes. I knew the day was coming, but I just was not ready to leave my babies. I was really struggling, especially not knowing exactly what the "day care" situation would be. We are still slightly flying by the seat of our pants! We just cannot, in any way afford to pay someone to watch the kids. It's unreal how much that costs. And of course, we "make too much" to qualify for any sort of assisted programs (of any kind). But it is incredibly hard leaving them every day. It still has not set in that this is not just a temporary thing. I will be doing this for a very long time now. Of course I wish that I could be a regular stay-at-home mom. But that I not in the cards for us right now. Sure, I could have said, "I will not have children until I can be sure that I will always be home with them," but that is completely unrealistic. Even the Church leaders have said to not put these things off until you are "ready". If you do, the time will absolutely never be right. I hate leaving them, but the joy I get from the time I do get to spend with them is immeasurable. I cannot imagine my life without them. Nothing would be worth having waited. I am someone's Mommy and that is the absolute most important thing I can ever do.

Anyway, enough of the mush. I started on Monday at 9 AM. I am literally an operator. I find out what the basic issue the customer has is then transfer them. So nice. I am not making NEARLY what I need to to compensate my old income (barely more than half), but at least it's money coming in. My daily schedule is 8:30 to 5 which is good and bad. I get to spend some time in the morning with the kids and I get to have regular sleeping hours, but I don't get home until at least 5:30 (that's only is Shane is watching them). If I have to pick them up from somewhere, I'm lucky if I'm home by 6. Then dinner, clean-up, bath time, and bed. But at least I can be the first person they see when they wake up and the last person they see before falling asleep. I love going in to get Adam in the mornings and seeing his big, gummy smile. Chloe always walks in [whatever room I am in] with this half-asleep look and her adorable bed head. Her potty training is going really well. She has had a few accidents. I really think it is because of the sudden changes in routine. But still, she is doing great.

I am trying really hard to keep nursing. I feed Adam in the morning and after I am home. I pump on my (VERY SHORT) 30 minute lunch break in my car. I am just not producing as much as I should and he is starting to eat a lot more (he is getting SO HUGE!) so of course we have to supplement with formula. He does great with both so it's going well. Luckily we got several samples of formula in the mail so we haven't had to buy any yet. We're still on our first can! He will start eating solids this month. I am so excited. I am going to try to make most of it myself since each little jar is a complete rip-off -- so expensive. I realize that we are saving so much money this time around. Chloe did not nurse and I bought all of the baby food in jars. I won't lie -- it is very convenient, but just too much money. Making the food is really easy so I'm not too worried about it.

Let's see... We sold our Monster Sak (yes, that is how it is spelled) and couch so we could get "grown-up" furniture. RC Willey had an awesome After Christmas deal on a Sofa/Love Seat combo so we got it. They are lovely :) Oh, Shane has been Mr Mom this week and is totally making me look bad! I came home to a totally clean downstairs (I have been totally lazy lately) and dinner on the table. He was like a wife from the 50's! Janell watched the kiddos on Tuesday and she did a better job than I do also. Adam took (I think) two 3 hour naps. *sigh* Oh well. Someday I will be Super Mom. I'm just Robin to their Batman right now I guess!!

I'm sure I sound like a little bit of a Debbie-Downer so maybe I need to balance that out with some "gratefuls":
I am grateful that I was able to find a job so quickly and I am grateful that I will be getting a severance from my old job. That will really relieve a lot of stress we have about paying taxes (gotta love being self-employed!). I am hoping that Shane will allow me to maybe get a new pair of shoes and a couple new pieces for my very tattered and pathetic wardrobe. I have to admit, I do not like shopping right now since I am still overweight, (not, "you just had a baby" overweight, but really and truly overweight. Do not try to placate me) but I need something new! Everyone needs a new article of clothing every so often... I am grateful that Shane has been so unbelievable busy at RC Willey this year. We have been so fortunate to keep our debts under control. We are still just working on paying of our cars. I can't say that we will be able to maintain that this year, but at least we have a semi-clean slate to start with. I am grateful that my kids are healthy and mellow and that they love eachother. Chloe will sit in front of Adam and sing and make noises while he just laughs and squeals at her. It is the most precious thing I think someone can witness. I am grateful that we have a house and vehicles and food. Things are going to get tough, but we've been through worse.

Shane's birthday is this month and I am hoping we'll be able to do something fun for it! I know he will love his gift so I'm not worried about that. Anyway, enough rambling for now!