Sickening

I may not look like this - but it's how I feel!!!

Ok - So I am officially sick of being fat. Yes - I am. When I turned 19 I was so awesome. Of course, I didn't think so at the time, but I would give just about anything, literally, to be that thin again. Then - I got my job. I went from walking around BYU campus for half the day, being on my feet at OfficeMax for another 4-8 hours, and just being active --- to sitting at a desk for 4 hours a day -- which quickly became 8 hours a day.

Unfortunately, my eating habits did not change. I was able to pig out - seriously - a bag of popcorn, pop tarts, ice cream, Little Caesar's pizza and breadsticks were all staples in my diet. That did not change - my weight did.

I got my job in February. By December, I had gained about 40 pounds. I saw a picture of myself at my sister's wedding and wanted to cry. I was in denial up until then. It still took me a few months to get the motivation to diet and exercise and just when I started to, I found out I was pregnant. I knew that if my body wasn't used to such a strict regime that I shouldn't take chances when I was pregnant so I kind of lost that battle.

I tried to walk a lot while I was pregnant but it was hard! I was always so tired and just wanted to sleep. By the time I got over that, it was too late. I gained about 30 pounds with Chloe - that is a total of 70 +/- pounds in 2 years. Well, luckily, most of my baby weight was water and that came off fairly quickly - 2 weeks. But I was still so overweight. BTW - this whole time, I had a gym membership....

Now, here I am. Almost with a 2-yr old and no closer to my goal weight than the day I had her. You may ask "why is she putting all this out there? telling everyone how overweight she has become," or you might be saying "why does she think I care?" I don' think you care... But by telling everyone, they can see either how awesome I am for accomplishing something, or how pathetic and lazy I am for not dropping a pound.....

Also, I am doing this because I have e been watching my sisters and sisters-in-law get into shape and just slim right down! I have seen my friends from high school just melt the baby weight away. I don't want anyone to try and patronize me. Just accept what I say! I am doing this because I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and HATE HATE HATE the way I look. And I have lots of expensive clothes that have been in storage for a long time because I refuse to give up on my dream. I know I'll never get down to what I used to be - I wish I could.... maybe I can?? But I have got to lose at LEAST 30 pounds. My target date is April 5 because the Clark County Fair is that weekend and I don't like my old friends seeing the fat cow that I have become :(

Below is what I used to be. I have posted is before and it has always been my "inspiration" picture. Yes, it is a vain picture, but I am glad I have it to use now.

PS - I am going to TRY 2-a-days at the gym for a month to try and kick start things. Wish me luck!